


Homefront

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Everything After [4]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-28 15:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/309335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was time.  She was back.  It was a new year and she was a different woman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Homefront

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last fic of 2011, and #4 in the Everything After series, which follows Strauss' canon lines after Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.

The alarm went off at 6:45 on a rainy Monday morning. For the first time in her life, Erin Strauss turned over and slapped the snooze button. That had never been her thing. No one called themselves a morning person but even during this leave of absence she wasn’t often sleeping past 8am.

Now, on her first day back to work since September, getting out of bed just didn’t seem like something Erin wanted to do. Of course, the pouring rain didn’t help. The temperature had better be above freezing since ice skating to Quantico was not her idea of a good morning. Exhaling, Erin closed her eyes and decided to go back to sleep.

Her ringing cell phone killed that idea. She knew exactly who it was; Nora had assigned ring tones to certain people. His was Queen’s Best Friend and that couldn’t be more appropriate. Smiling, despite how she felt, Erin picked up the phone.

“I have no desire to get out of bed.” she said into the phone.

“Damn, now I really wish I was there. Good morning, Erin.”

“Good morning, David. Where are you this morning?”

“The team is still in Indianapolis but I think we’ll be home in the next couple of days.” He replied. “You're back to work today.”

“Yes.” Erin nodded, finally sitting up in bed. “I'm…nervous.”

“I'm sure you are. I have your back though, and so do many other people.”

“I'm sure the supportive texts will come rolling in soon. Most people probably wanted to wait until they were sure I was awake.”

“Are you poking fun at me?” Dave asked.

“No…why would I?”

Erin laughed, getting out of bed completely and going to her closet. There were clothes in there that she hadn't worn in months. She truly wasn’t sure if she ever would again. But she was Erin Strauss and being the Section Chief of the BAU was part of who she was.

It used to be a very big part, most of her, but starting today that would no longer be the case. That didn’t mean that Erin wouldn’t put 100% into every moment she spent at Quantico. It was now or never. Today was the first day of the rest of her professional life…or some such. God, she wished he was here.

“I wish I was there too. I said that already.”

“I'm sorry?”

“What?”

“It’s possible we might be having two conversations at once.” Erin replied laughing. “I've lost track of what's happening.”

“Alright, well I’ll let you go anyway. I just wanted to call, let you know I love you and that you're going to do fine.” Dave said.

“From your lips to God’s ear…I hope. I'm going to take St. Monica with me for support.”

“That’s a good plan. You can call me if you need anything.”

“You're busy. I'm not going to do that.”

“Erin…”

“I’ll be OK. You call me tonight around seven. I’ll be home, probably making some single girl dinner. And I love you too, David.”

“I’ll call you. Have a great day.” He said.

“Bye.”

It seemed as if neither wanted to hang up but Erin had to go. She wanted to get in the shower and get this day started. Erin pulled out a grey suit, put it back, and decided to go for purple. It wasn’t her usual work color but things were different now so Erin could be as well.

She put her cell phone on the dresser before going into the bathroom. Still at home and Erin felt nerves. She felt some serious nerves. Covering her mouth, she rushed to the toilet. Oh dear God, please don’t let it be that kind of day.

This was a good day, a good thing; Erin didn’t want to spend it sick. A light breakfast was in order…something she would hopefully be able to keep down. But first she needed to clean herself up. Holding onto St. Monica and reciting the Serenity Prayer to herself, Erin took a deep breath and started her shower.

***

She smoked a cigarette in the car. That wasn’t something Erin normally would've done but something had to calm her nerves. She cracked the window, turned the car off but left the singer-songwriters radio station on and smoked a cigarette. Crowded House was singing _Better Be Home Soon_ ; she’d never heard them on this station before.

But she let the music, and the nicotine, soothe her. When Erin was done, she reapplied her lipstick, looked at herself in the mirror, and got out. It was time. She was back. It was a new year and she was a different woman.

Walking through the rainy parking lot, a few people stopped to say good morning and welcome back. Erin was cordial, smiled some; told people she was feeling fine. Inside she signed in, bypassed the metal detectors, and got on the elevator. As the door was closing, someone rushed up and stopped them with their arm. Erin was taken aback but she smiled when she saw Deputy Director Kirk Douglas.

“Good morning, Kirk.” She said.

“Good morning.”

They’d talked a little while she was away but Kirk was worried about his protégé. He didn’t know why Erin chose to take a leave of absence, her second in a year, but something was definitely wrong. Things had gone from upside down to right side up at the BAU so it couldn’t be that. He knew she’d been blindsided by her divorce, her husband seeking and winning full custody of their children. He also knew she’d been drinking.

Kirk mentioned it once or twice, subtly, and was blown off. He knew what this job could do to people. He’d seen it destroy a few of the best people he knew. Erin Strauss was one of the best people he knew. Kirk wanted to do everything in his power to help her; and he had a lot of power. That didn’t mean he could keep her from destroying herself.

“Does it feel good to be back?” he asked.

“I think that’s a question best asked at the end of the day, not the beginning.”

“Understood.” Kirk smiled. “I hope the time off was everything you needed it to be.”

The elevator door opened and they walked out. Being back on the ninth floor, in this universe, was surreal. People stopped to greet her and welcome her back. Her faithful assistant, Tim, was ready with a hug and some hot green tea.

Erin thanked him and then went into her office with her boss. Flowers, cards, and little knick-knacks welcomed her back to Quantico. She was a bit overwhelmed as Erin thought people were glad to see her go. There was propriety but this seemed to be something else altogether.

“You were missed.” Kirk said, helping her out of her coat.

“I can hardly believe that. I think I heard the music from the party being thrown as I walked out the door.”

“Some people don’t appreciate what they have till it’s gone.”

“Is that so?” Erin asked. She walked up to the cactus on her credenza. Something in her told her to look at it first so she took the card and opened it. ‘ _They don’t need much water or much care but if you neglect them it will show. Take care of yourself and don’t be afraid to kick some ass. Love you, David_ ’. She smiled.

“Are you alright?”

“Hmm?” she turned to look at Kirk again. Erin didn’t even know how to start the day. Soon enough it was going to get started though, whether she was ready or not.

“Are you alright?”

“I’d probably be better if it weren't raining.” She sat down at her desk, relishing the familiarity. “We should do lunch today if you can.”

“I've got a ton of meetings. What about dinner this week?”

“I'm not available on Wednesday. That’s my night with the kids. Call me later this afternoon…we’ll coordinate.”

“Some things never change.” Kirk smiled. He came around the desk, stood Erin up, and gave her a hug and kiss. “I'm glad you're back.”

“Me too.” she replied, not sure that was the true answer but it was the right one to say.

This was all going to take some time. The last time she was in this office, Aaron Hotchner and Derek Morgan were confronting her. Jesus, if the place was as bugged as Erin thought it was the higher ups knew exactly why she was gone for over 100 days. This was the first time she was thinking about that; it made her stomach dropped.

Then she took a deep breath. That part was over, she still had a job. The past was so far gone after all she’d been through. The present was what needed focus right now. And the future was something Erin knew not to spend too much time speculating on.

“If you need anything, you know where to find me.”

“Have a good day, Kirk.”

He waved and then left her office. Erin sat back in the chair, looking around. There were many things to do, not the least of which was to collect all the well-wishers and make sure thank you cards were sent. Maybe she could do that over her lunch break. Picking up the phone, Erin pushed a familiar button.

“Good morning, Tim. You better come in and get me caught up on where we are. I need to get you caught up on some serious changes to the schedule. Let’s get this Monday morning started.”

***

“How has your first day back been?” Nora asked.

“It’s a bit like riding a bicycle.” Erin replied. “While you never forget how, your first time back up is bound to lead to some bumps and bruises.”

It was just after four and the first thing she did when she got in from getting the latest edition of her high school newspaper ready was to call her mom. She’d been worried about Erin going back to the FBI; at one point Nora suggested early retirement. It wasn’t because she didn’t think Erin Strauss was great at what she did. She just saw what it did to her mother and her family.

Of course with all that happened, her mother might feel like the job was all she had left. Nora had to make sure she knew it wasn’t. Her Alateen group told her that she couldn’t live her mother’s life. She couldn’t make her decisions, or keep her sober. All of that was up to Erin.

Nora had to live for Nora. There was a big difference between supporting and overwhelming someone. Nora had always been the one who tried to make things seem perfect even when they weren't. She knew she couldn’t do that anymore but just like her mother, old habits died hard.

“Are you alright?” Nora asked.

“I'm fine sweetheart. Some people have been treating me like I'm a fragile piece of glass, some pretend I've never been gone, and some have been avoiding me as if I have cooties. I'm just here to do what I always do and to the best of my ability. Their issues are their own Nora; I have enough of them.”

“Did you talk to Dave today?”

“We had a chat this morning. He wished me good luck and bought me a cactus. I don’t know when he's coming home. How was school today?”

Erin needed to be the mother. She needed to ask about school, activities, college plans. Nora’s life was going to see some big changes over this year. Her teenage daughter didn’t need to be mothering her…she needed to live her own life.

Erin was so excited for senior prom, graduation, and everything after. Nora had already been accepted early into Barnard, Bryn Mawr, American, Penn, and Sarah Lawrence. There were four other schools, including UC Berkeley, that she was waiting for letters from. That needed to be Erin’s focus and Nora’s as well.

“It was fine. I'm coming so close to the end sometimes I feel like I'm going through the motions. I have a trig test on Wednesday that I need to study for and I'm joining the blood drive.”

“Are you ready for your test?” Erin asked.

“I think so. I’ll do some studying tonight and a little tomorrow evening. I don’t like cramming. When you see me Wednesday, if I'm smiling it went well. I got a letter from NYU today.”

“Are you going to open it?” Erin got a little peppier. She knew Nora had been waiting for that letter.

“I’ll do it when we’re together on Wednesday.” She replied.

“You don’t have to wait for me. I know you want to right now.”

“Honestly, it’s not in my top 3 anymore, Mom. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be accepted. So I can wait.”

“Alright. Sweetheart, I have to go back to work. I’ll call this evening to talk to your brother and sister. How’s MK?”

Mary Katherine and her mother still weren't really speaking. Erin called home for her kids almost every night, unless they called her. She got a 30% success rate with her youngest daughter and usually it was about 10 minutes of awkward small talk. While awkward small talk was better than vitriol, Erin hated it. And MK hadn't come for one weekend or one dinner since Eli made Erin leave the home they shared for almost 20 years.

She didn’t know what her ex could’ve said to make her daughter hate her so much. Or maybe it was something Erin did. She surely knew it was possible. Maybe if MK told her about it she could try to fix it. But Erin still called, tried to talk, tried to be there. She also kept her head up every time she was rejected. Her motherhood had to be earned back. That hurt but it was the truth.

“She's good. I’ll tell her that you said hi.”

“Thank you. I’ll talk to you later.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“Love you too, Nora. Bye.”

As she put her cell phone down on the desk, Tim came over her office phone intercom.

“Ma'am, I have the Deputy Director on two.”

“Thanks Tim.” Erin picked up the phone. “Hello, Mr. Deputy Director.”

“How is Thursday at seven?” Kirk asked.

“What are we talking about?” Erin countered.

“Dinner at DC Coast; how is Thursday night at seven?”

“That should be alright. As I said, Wednesday is out. Monday and Tuesday are difficult as well but I could’ve probably rearranged something.”

“You're the only person I know who goes on a leave of absence and gets busier, Erin.” He laughed some.

“Sometimes you have to get busier before things can calm down.”

“I hope we can talk about that a little at dinner.”

“I think we can.”

“Good, so we’ll meet there at seven.”

“I’ll be there.” Erin replied. “Thanks Kirk.”

“You know if there's one thing you could always get from me it was a good meal and a pep talk. That’s never going to change.”

As Erin said goodbye, she was glad of that. So many things were changing, from necessity or the way the cookie crumbled. She’d known Kirk for over a quarter of a century and he’d always been in her corner. Right now he was a friend she wanted and needed. Erin still wasn’t sure how much she would tell him…he probably knew most of the story anyway.

Her therapist thought someone should know the whole dirty truth other than just herself. But Kirk was her boss. Yes, he was her mentor and surely her friend, but he was the Deputy Director of the FBI. His knowing every dirty detail might not be the best plan.

As Erin tackled more of the paperwork on her desk, her mind started working on the abridged version. Soon it would become the official story of record. That didn’t mean that everyone would know it but those who did would only know the version she wanted them to know. They were going to gossip whether Erin told the whole truth, which was no one’s business, or a version of it where she didn’t land on her face so many times.

***

Erin was in the tub when he called. It was after eight o’clock; she’d survived her first day back at Quantico. While she didn’t quite feel like Section Chief Strauss again she knew she was well on her way. Next week would be filled with meetings and she needed to be strong and ready.

She came home tonight, made dinner, talked to her kids, and walked on the treadmill. Now she was relaxing in a hot bath with tea and candlelight before going to bed. She would have to do it all over again tomorrow, the next day, and everyday after. This was her life and Erin wanted to live it.

“Hello.”

“Hey there. Tell me what's on your mind right now.”

“I was honestly wondering if my cell phone fell in the tub whether or not I’d be electrocuted.” Erin replied.

“I don’t think so.” Dave laughed. “You're in the tub?”

“Mmm hmm.” She nodded.

“Women don’t wear clothes in the tub.”

“Only in 80s Kathleen Turner films, and that was just for laughs.”

“That’s a very nice picture; thank you.”

“What, me in the tub or Kathleen Turner?” she asked.

“Both…but mostly you.” Dave said. “How was work?”

“It was work. That’s exactly what I wanted it to be. Is your case coming along?”

“We’re flying out tomorrow morning. The profile is complete and I think it’s only a matter of time before locals catch this guy.”

“You're not staying to make an arrest?”

“We don’t always get to do that. Other cases need our attention. We came, we studied, we investigated, and now the police have the tools they need to get the job done. It’s fucking cold here anyway.”

“It’s not tropical in Washington.” Erin said.

“No, but I’d rather be home. At least there are places I can warm up.”

“Kirk is taking me to dinner on Thursday.” She smiled and changed the subject.

“He cares about you.” Dave replied. “He always has.”

“There are some who think I'm a teacher’s pet.”

“Fuck them.”

“That’s what I've been saying all these years. I just don’t want Kirk to catch flack for backing the wrong guy…or girl.”

“You know that’s not true, Erin. You’ve been an excellent agent and administrator since you first walked through those doors. All the disdain is simply because of that. It didn’t matter to you then and it shouldn’t now.”

“Its always mattered.” She said in a low voice. “Its not easy being the girl on the playground that people don’t want to be friends with.”

“I'm your friend.” He said. “Kirk is your friend too. I hope he's taking you someplace expensive.”

“We’re going to DC Coast.”

“That’s impressive.”

“It’s dinner, David, not a date.”

“I know that, but a man likes to impress a woman. He wants to do it whether they're lovers, friends, or strangers. It’s just a man thing.”

“You're projecting.”

“That’s possible.” Dave replied. “Can I take you out when I come home?”

“Of course you can. Where are you taking me?”

Erin stood, stepping out of the bathtub. She dried herself off and wrapped up in her terry cloth robe, fresh from the dryer. It felt so good she almost wanted to fall asleep where she stood. Pulling the plug from the tub, she grabbed her cell phone, blew out the candles, and walked out of the bathroom. Relaxing on her bed with Sasha, some smooth jazz, and David’s voice on the line was a good way to end the evening.

“We can go to the ballet; I have a line on some tickets to _Anna Karenina_. Then we’ll have dinner and then make it up as we go along.”

“I love _Anna Karenina_ , David.”

“I know…that’s why I wanted the tickets. I do realize its time to take you on a proper date.”

“We’ve been on plenty of proper dates over the years. Some were better than others. I happen to like hanging out at home these days; I really like milkshakes and shoe shopping.”

“I enjoyed that as well.” David was smiling.

He wished he was there with her right now. It boggled his mind how much he missed her when they weren't together. Everything happened so fast; he wasn’t used to that. Over the years Dave had stopped giving up any kind of control. He’d learned the hard way it was the wrong thing to do.

But taking back the power meant that it was hard to let go enough to really care for someone. Then Carolyn came back into his life and turned it upside down. There wasn’t enough time to play games. If you loved someone then you needed to just love them.

Love them to the fullest everyday and the rest be damned. That’s how he was going to do it with Erin. Under the circumstances, they'd have to take things slow. But Dave didn’t like to rush anyway…good things came to those who waited.

“I'm going to bed soon. Work really hung me out to dry today. I had this fear that I’d forgotten it all; that I couldn’t be the Section Chief anymore. There were a few stutter steps today but I did alright. Tim had my back the entire way. He’s been so good to me over the years. I hope I've been good to him.”

“People aren’t loyal to you if you're not.” Dave replied. “I want you to have sweet dreams. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“If you're not too busy we can have lunch.” She said. “I'm keeping my rule to take an hour lunch everyday. Even if I only go to the cafeteria I get out of my office and walk around.”

“Lunch sounds perfect. I love you.”

“I love you too, David. It still sounds so…”

“I know.” He laughed some. “But I feel it, and I mean it every time I say it.”

“I do too. Get some sleep and have a safe flight tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, baby.”

“Goodnight.”

Erin hung up her cell phone and pulled the Bluetooth from her ear. She rested against her pillows, smiling as Sasha cuddled close. She knew life would be better with a friend; her cat truly made her happy. Cleaning out the litter box and cleaning food bowls was something new but was worth it. With Sasha around Erin was never lonely. There was someone to watch movies with, curl up to enjoy a book, or dance to bad pop music while cooking. She even hogged the bed sometimes.

Though Erin had lived in the DC condo since her husband put her out, it never truly felt like home. She hadn't gotten to know the windows, walls, shadows, and shades. Now it was something she was beginning to do. This was home, and Erin wanted to make it that way.

She wanted to feel safe there, comfortable, and at ease. She wanted her children to feel that way, along with her few close friends and family. She probably wanted David to feel that way too. On Day 111, Erin was finally there. It was where her heart and soul was; her peace and solitude.

It wasn’t the BAU, the job where sometimes she had to be a dragon…or most would say a bitch. It was the place of terry cloth robes, warm meals, loving phone calls, laughter, and comfort. Erin Strauss was home and she had her life back. This time she wouldn’t take it for granted or do anything to jeopardize the new foundation on which it was built.

***


End file.
